oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
