I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Soap is not a condiment
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
