dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
