Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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