lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
