You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
