She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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