i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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