He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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