Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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