omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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