Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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