do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
