Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
