As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wear drunk well.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
