pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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