I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
