At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize