I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The air taste purple.
Randomize