My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
