Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize