Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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