I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
