i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
