Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
