No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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