Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
