remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if only i could text you this smell
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
