I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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