How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
