life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
