I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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