And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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