I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
