You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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