I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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