He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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