Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
