ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
