I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
