So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
