matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
