Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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