If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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