Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
