Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
