how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
