I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
