The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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