cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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