Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
