The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
