Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.