Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"