I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..