It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
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You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.