it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.