At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
