just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
