I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
