Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
