In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
