The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
