it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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