I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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